DEADLY DREAMS
by Anubis Soundwave
Summary: A two-part tale of Sludge coping with nightmares...and a few Autobots wrestling with the demons of their pasts.
1. Conjurer of Demons

TRANSFORMERS: CYBERTRON SAGA

_**AUTOBOTS #21-A**_: CONJURER OF DEMONS.

_byline_: Anubis C. Soundwave

_**Scene:**_ 1

In his quarters, Smokescreen starts to enter his rest cycle. At least until his door is kicked in.

"What the hell?" he says, refreshing his optics.

Sludge stands in the doorway, growling.

_Not again,_ groans Smokescreen silently. "Another nightmare, Sludge?" he says to the Dinobot.

Sludge nods. "Dream no am make sense to Sludge. Why me am kill other Dinobots?" he asks, upset.

"Sludge, nightmares aren't supposed to make any sense," Smokescreen explains.

"No!" counters Sludge hotly. "Nightmares am recurring. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It am always clear, like am really happening."

"Hm. Did you ask Ratchet?" Smokescreen asks.

"Yes, me Sludge ask. Him Ratchet no am answer," says Sludge, scowling.

"Okay. I'm trying to help," says Smokescreen calmly as he picks up a datapad and stylus. "Did you have any funny-tasting energon?" he asks.

"No. Normal rations," says Sludge.

"Did you watch any scary movies?" continues Smokescreen.

"No!" roars Sludge, leaning into Smokescreen's face. "Don't talk to me Sludge like me am stupid!"

_Sludge, buddy, you are kind of stupid,_ Smokescreen says to himself. _I just value my life too highly to say that to your face at the moment._

"Sludge am have bad, bright dreams! Other Dinobots am look like Combaticons and Aerialbots. Me Sludge call them different names," continues Sludge, "and them call me Sludge name of femme."

"What were the names, Sludge?" asks Smokescreen.

"Gearshift, Butane, Swift, and Slade," says Sludge.

"And what did the Dinobots in your dream call you?" Smokescreen continues; his optics narrow as he continues writing notes.

"They am call me Sludge 'Hackwrench'. Her am him Ratchet's dead sister," says Sludge as he pulls away from Smokescreen.

_"Hackwrench"? That is oddly specific. Come to think of it,_ continues Smokescreen quietly as he writes notes on his datapad, _Sludge is acting almost as frustrated as his aunt would get. All of these names are familiar, for that matter. Why would Sludge even dream about the Dynamite Squad? Or something as detailed as their deaths?_

"Have bad dreams about Optimus Prime and pink femme," Sludge continues, trembling as he unloads on Smokescreen. "Them _hurt_ Sludge! Rip red and white girl Frenzy in half!"

Smokescreen scribbles furiously on the datapad. "How did Prime hurt you in your dream, Sludge?" he asks, tense.

"No am make sense!" cries Sludge. "Him Optimus take out funny cable and-*"

"Never mind!" spits Smokescreen, his optics wide with horror. "Anything else?" he asks as he scrawls "Sludge = Fraggin' HACKWRENCH!? Ratchet is a sick frag!" on his datapad.

"Constructicons...Devastator..." groans Sludge, clutching his head. "Them am do same thing as Optimus and pink femme.

_I'm going to kill Prowl for dragging me into this outfit._ "Please go on, Sludge," says Smokescreen stonily.

"Ratchet stab Sludge in dream, but him Ratchet at least fix sleeping problem," says Sludge. "But please: you Smokescreen no am tell him Ratchet that me Sludge said anything about that one."

"No problem," says Smokescreen as he amends his notes to say "...a sick frag who killed his own sister!", then sets the datapad down. "Did you get everything off your chest?" he asks Sludge.

"Yes," says Sludge, trembling. "Me know this am brain problem," he continues, "but him Ratchet no am fix Sludge brain. Why?"

"I'll ask him why," says Smokescreen. "Go back to your quarters, big guy."

"Okay," says Sludge. He and Smokescreen exit the room together.

Hidden around the corner, Optimus trembles in shock. _All of my concerns about the Dinobots...are warranted._ He heads to his office.

_**Scene:**_ 2

In med bay, Ratchet finishes fixing the door, then returns to his terminal.

"Now I might be able to get some work done," Ratchet says aloud to the terminal.

The door is kicked in again.

Ratchet jumps from the terminal and whips around to face the again-broken door. "Damn it, Sludge!" he spits. "You don't have to destroy med bay every time you wake up! I've already explained what's going on with your nightmares!"

"Then explain it to _me_, doc," says Smokescreen.

"What the-you're not Sludge!" balks Ratchet.

"I know," says Smokescreen, "so please refrain from lying to me."

"I didn't lie to him," says Ratchet, regaining his composure as he picks up his tools to fix the door. "I gave Sludge the information he needed to know, and fixed the problem with his sleep cycle."

"I'll bet," Smokescreen mutters.

"Hm?" asks Ratchet.

"Nothing. With all due respect, sir," says Smokescreen, "I don't think you were _clear_ with Sludge. Things have to make sense for him; they have to follow some sort of logical pattern."

"I take it he kicked down your door, too?" asks Ratchet.

"Yeah, so I'm glad to see that Sludge kicked down your door first," says Smokescreen.

"Why did you follow suit?" demands Ratchet.

"So that you could get a taste of what my early morning so far was like," says Smokescreen.

Ratchet sighs. "What did Sludge tell you?" he asks.

"He told me enough," says Smokescreen, smiling thinly.

Ratchet scowls. "Sit down," he orders. "There's a lot of technical ground to cover, and it will take at least an hour for me to explain it all to you in lay terms."

"Not a problem. I don't sleep anymore," says Smokescreen.

_**Scene:**_ 3

Sludge sits outside the Ark with a large drawing pad and Autobot-sized crayons; he finishes a drawing of Grimlock.

_Hm,_ says Sludge to himself. _Am need missile launcher cannons like him Onslaught. Darker yellow on chest._ He adds the cannons to make Grimlock look more like Onslaught.

Sludge continues drawing each Dinobot, modifying each one with different design elements. _What if Slag am look more like him Slingshot?_ Sludge thinks as he adds a blue visor.

Slingshot starts to enter Autobot Headquarters, but notices Sludge's drawing. "You're trying to see if Slag would look better if he were me?" he grins.

"No," says Sludge, still working.

"Whatever you're trying to do, it won't work with crayons," says Slingshot. "They're a lousy medium."

Sludge stares at Slingshot. "Huh?" he wonders.

"You need something you can erase," Slingshot explains. "Hang on-I'll get my colored pencils." He enters the Ark.

Sludge shakes his head, sets aside his Slag drawing, and starts working on Snarl. _Snarl am look like Decepticon Brawl in dream,_ he muses, _so me am draw him Snarl that way-but with Snarl colors._

Slingshot emerges from the Ark with colored pencils, erasers, and a blank sketchpad, then sits next to Sludge.

Sludge stops his work, turning his head to face Slingshot. "What am you Slingshot doing? You no am make fun?" he asks the jetwarrior.

"Nah," says Slingshot, picking up the Slag drawing. "Just watch me, big guy." Slingshot takes out his colored pencils and sketchpad and sketches Slag.

"You am good at drawing," says Sludge.

"Thanks," says Slingshot, finishing the sketch. "Now," he continues, lightly adding Class Five elements to Slag's picture, "you want him to look more like me, right?"

Sludge nods, amazed.

Slingshot finishes his Slag/Slingshot sketch. "Who's the next Dinobot-Aerialbot mash-up?" he grins.

"Do him Swoop like Air Raid!" says Sludge, excited.

"Okay, though I hate to stick Swoop with Air Raid's mug," quips Slingshot as he starts the next sketch. He draws Swoop, then adds Class Two-A features to the air Dinobot.

"Good," says Sludge.

"So, now you want Grimlock as Silverbolt?" asks Slingshot as he picks up Grimlock's drawing.

"No," says Sludge.

Slingshot stares at Grimlock's crayon picture, then sighs. "Never mind: 'Grim-slaught' it is," he says, starting the sketch.

After completing the sketches of Grimlock and Snarl, Slingshot turns to Sludge. "So," he asks, "who do _you_ want to look like?"

Sludge thinks. "Like him Ratchet, and Soundwave...kind of," he says. "But as girl."

Slingshot's jaw drops a moment. "That's too many elements, chief," he says. "Is there any 'girl' robot that looks like a cross between Ratchet and Soundwave?"

Sludge nods. "Am Ratchet's sister, Hackwrench. Her used to be Autobot, but her not Autobot anymore...or alive anymore," he says, sadly.

"Okay," says Slingshot. "Was she a medic like Ratchet?" he asks.

"Uh-huh," says Sludge. "Him Ratchet and him Wheeljack say Hackwrench was smart and pretty, like Carly."

_He's got to learn different make names,_ says Slingshot as he starts to draw Hackwrench. "Your aunt," he says to Sludge, "was a Caduceus MT; which is more of a mash-up between Ratchet, Soundwave, and Optimus Prime."

"No Optimus Prime," mutters Sludge, sullen and trembling.

"I'm sorry: a Caduceus MT has design elements from a Devil Box, a modded MC-10; and a Freight Hauler, an upgraded Box Hauler," says Slingshot as he adds Sludge-like elements to his sketch of Hackwrench.

"No, Sludge am sorry," says Sludge. "Me no am feel good. Have bad dreams. Consuming normal fuel rations," he adds, annoyed, "and not scared of dumb Earth horror movies."

"So these characters are appearing in your nightmares?" asks Slingshot.

"Yes!" says Sludge. "Me am Hackwrench," he continues, pointing at Slingshot's drawing, "other Dinobots am look like other pictures, and me kill other Dinobots in dream."

"That is an awful dream to have about your brothers," says Slingshot as he finishes the drawing. _Could be because Sludge and Hackwrench are related,_ Slingshot notes to himself, _but it was pretty damn easy to add some Sludge-esque features to this drawing._

Brawn, Sideswipe, and Sunstreaker arrive at the Ark; they transform and approach Slingshot and Sludge.

"Is Sludge teaching you how to color?" Sideswipe teases, poking Slingshot.

Slingshot scowls.

"Let me look at these," says Sunstreaker, picking up Sludge's attempted mashup of Air Raid and Swoop. Optics wide with shock, he hands the picture to Brawn.

After receiving the drawing from Sunstreaker, Brawn steps back. Tense, he studies the crayon drawing, then turns to Slingshot. "Hey, kid," Brawn says to the Aerialbot, noting the more skilled Dinobot mash-ups. "You got one crossing Air Raid and Swoop?"

"Yeah," says Slingshot, handing Brawn the drawing. "What's going on? Sunstreaker looks like somebody painted him chartreuse."

Brawn stares at Slingshot's mash-up, trembling. _When you see fraggin' drawings of ghosts,_ he thinks, _you'd start seeing yourself in horrible colors, too._

"Just...shut up, man," spits Sunstreaker, tossing Sludge's drawing at Slingshot. "Just shut up!" The yellow mech storms into the Ark.

"Sludge," asks Brawn, "do you know who these guys are?"

"Only am know her Hackwrench," says Sludge, pointing at Slingshot's drawing of the femme. "Sludge no know others. Who am them?" he asks.

"They're...old friends of ours," says Brawn.

"It'd take too long to explain, Sludgie," says Sideswipe, grabbing Brawn's hand and dragging the smaller mech into the Ark.

Sludge growls. "Me Sludge am have time!" he seethes, smashing his fist into the nearest rock, hard enough to damage his fist. "Explain to Sludge! Explain!"

"I don't get it either, chief," says Slingshot. The Aerialbot hands Sludge his colored pencil drawings. Maybe Teletraan can help you figure it out."

Sludge looks up at Slingshot and accepts the drawings, the Dinobot's face weary. "Thank you." He stands and enters the Ark.

_**Scene:**_ 4

"I'm waiting," says Wheeljack, chuckling as an agitated Ratchet paces around in med bay.

"Frag off, Jack," Ratchet spits. "Get those 'I told you so' lines out of your system, then stick them up your crankshaft."

"No. I want you to admit it," says Wheeljack.

"What's there to admit?" asks Ratchet.

"That you were wrong," says Wheeljack.

Ratchet glares at Wheeljack. "Fair enough," he says, "only consider that all of our available options were wrong, and we had to pick the one that would save the Autobots' lives that day."

Wheeljack shakes his head.

"You've given me two lectures per cycle on ethics," continues Ratchet, "for as long as we've known each other."

"That would be 8.7 M-cycles and counting," says Wheeljack.

"Right. I've got a lecture of my own about ethics," says Ratchet, "and when I'm done, I don't want to hear that damned word ever again."

Wheeljack sits.

Ratchet starts his speech. "Ethics is-*"

Optimus interrupts Ratchet through a video commlink. "Ratchet," he says. "This is about the Dinobots."

Wheeljack's optics widen, while Ratchet trembles.

"What...about the Dinobots, sir?" asks Ratchet, slowly regaining his composure.

_**Scene:**_ 5

On his side of the commlink, Optimus observes Ratchet's reactions. _He's really pushing his luck,_ Optimus says to himself.

Ratchet stares at Optimus through the screen, waiting for Optimus' response.

"Do you recall the Dinobots' mission to retrieve the Cybertonium?" Optimus asks.

"Yes," says Ratchet, with a controlled sigh of surprised relief.

_Don't relax yet, doc,_ says Optimus quietly. "Sludge," he says to Ratchet, "made a good point about it: why do we need Cybertonium to function?"

"We've always needed it," says Ratchet. "It never occurred to us to question why."

"It occurred to Sludge because the Dinobots-who were built here on Earth-don't need it to function," adds Wheeljack. "Since Sludge thinks in straight lines," he continues, "the Cybertonium is, in his mind, an undesireable variable."

"Explain," says Optimus.

"'Autobots are Autobots. Dinobots are Autobots,'" says Wheeljack, narrowly avoiding mimicking Dinobot syntax. "'Autobots need Cybertonium to function. Dinobots do not need Cybertonium to function.' I could practically see the basic arithmetic symbols forming in Sludge's head-almost like an Earth cartoon."

"Yeah," adds Ratchet. "To continue Sludge's line of reasoning: 'If Dinobots and Autobots are the same inside, but Dinobots do not need Cybertonium, then why do Autobots need Cybertonium?' It doesn't occur to Sludge that we may have a few differences."

"It's a logical question," says Optimus, "one we don't have a logical answer for."

"To be fair to Sludge," says Wheeljack, "he was actually asking what vital part of our function is powered by Cybertonium. I've been looking," he continues, "and I can't find anything inside any Cybertronian that needs Cybertonium."

"There is none," says Optimus. "I can understand Sludge's logic, as simplified as it is. 'We need energon because it's fuel; we are machines, and machines need fuel to function. Cybertonium is not fuel. We Dinobots never needed it to function.'"

"Which leads him back to that logic loop and makes him want to smash stuff," says Wheeljack.

"If we don't really need Cybertonium," says Ratchet, "then Sludge is right: we need to fix ourselves to 'be more like Dinobots'-by ending our bodies' dependency on Cybertonium."

"I can make those upgrades," says Wheeljack, "but my tools are in Iacon, on Cybertron."

"We'll have to send the Dinobots back there, then," says Optimus, "to address a problem they themselves pointed out."

"Think that will appease Grimlock?" says Ratchet.

"I trust that you two can safely issue the order. Optimus out." Optimus ends the transmission.

_**Scene:**_ 6

Wheeljack turns from the monitor to face Ratchet. "Optimus is on to us," he says.

"I know that much," says Ratchet, "considering how often he mentioned Sludge's name. Still," he continues, "it's probably a good idea to send the Dinobots out-if for no other reason than to get Sludge's mind off his nightmares."

"Or rather," says Wheeljack, "his aunt's _memory residuals_."

"You're going to ride me over this, aren't you?" asks Ratchet.

"Yep," says Wheeljack.

_**Scene:**_ 7

The Dinobots stand outside the Ark, discussing their orders.

"Should have retrieved tools when Dinobots on Cybertron the first time," groans Swoop.

"Autobots am do things back-aftwards," scoffs Slag. "How am we get to Cybertron without alerting him Shockwave?"

"Go through spacebridge and smash Shockwave," spits Sludge, irritated. "Me no am care."

"You Sludge no am get rest cycle yet?" asks Grimlock, concerned.

"Sludge sleep no more," says Sludge. "No am hurt Dinobots."

"Solve nightmares first," says Snarl. "Get tools later."

Grimlock strokes his chin. "No. Me Grimlock say Dinobots obey Optimus' orders; retrieve tools and make Autobots stronger," he says. "Better for Dinobots in long run."

"But him Sludge no am think straight with stupid nightmares!" says Slag. "Autobots no am give good answers to him Sludge questions."

"Me know that," says Grimlock. "But him Sludge mention Cybertonium problem, and him Optimus agree that it am need repair. Get tools, get Autobots repaired."

"Sludge no go," says Sludge, sullen. "Me am threat to Dinobots."

"No. You no am threat," counters Grimlock, placing a hand on Sludge's shoulder. "Me Grimlock say all Dinobots am safe. Me Grimlock make sure you no am threat."

"So, you am smash me Sludge if Sludge cause trouble?" asks Sludge.

Grimlock nods.

Sludge growls. "Fine. Me Sludge go," he says.

"Dinobots: fly to UNECOM, and get Spay-C. Her am take us to Cybertron," says Grimlock.

_**Scene:**_ 8

"This is Shockwave," states Shockwave, noting the Earthian shuttle in Cybertron's orbit. "Identify yourself or be destroyed."

"Guardian Spay-C, on a routine diplomatic visit to Cybertron," says Spay-C.

"Declare your passengers," Shockwave orders. "Our sensors detect five additional life signs."

Sludge abruptly ends the transmission. "Him have too many questions. Just land!"

"If I do that, all six of us will die," says Spay-C.

"Not if us kill Decepticons first," counters Slag. "Slag am ready to fight."

"The Gobots are not ready to fight, as you so succinctly put it," says Spay-C. "Transform," she continues, "and I will handle the rest."

"Do what her Spay-C say," orders Grimlock. He transforms; the other Dinobots follow suit.

Spay-C contacts Shockwave.

_**Scene:**_ 9

"This is Shockwave," states Shockwave, noting the Earthian shuttle in Cybertron's orbit. "Identify yourself or be destroyed."

Shockwave studies the video monitor, noting five large reptilian creatures within Spay-C.

"One of our scientists' genetic cloning experiments had interrupted our transmission," states Spay-C, noting the growling _Apatosaurus_ glaring at Shockwave through her camera. "I am escorting these creatures to a biology conference in Hikage City."

"One moment," says Shockwave, muting the sound.

"A rather obvious lie," says Sunstorm, chuckling.

"So, when do we attack Gobotron?" asks Acid Rain.

"We will not invade Gobotron at present. Spay-C has not attacked us," continues Shockwave, "and she is not predisposed to illogical action; Spay-C will not give us proper cause to rescind the non-aggression pact. The Dinobots have clearly compelled her to assist them in order to avoid our security checkpoints."

"Why?" asks Sunstorm.

"What shall we do with the Dinobots when they land?" says Acid Rain.

"Follow them," says Shockwave. "Determine the Dinobots' true mission, and report it to me."

"It shall be done, Shockwave," says Sunstorm. Nudged by Acid Rain, the gold-and-orange Seeker salutes.

"We're off, Subcommander," adds Acid Rain with a salute. He and Sunstorm transform and take to the skies.

Shockwave restores the sound. "I have confirmed that your arrival was anticipated," he states. "You will receive a pass that will permit you to enter Hikage City when you land. Shockwave out."

_**Scene:**_ 10

Spay-C presents her city pass to a Class Five neutral guarding Hikage City's entrance. "I have received authorization from Darkmount Tower," she says.

"It checks out," says the Class Five. "State your purpose."

"Biology conference at Magnificus Center," says Spay-C. "These creatures are part of a prehistoric Earthian exhibit that Gobot scientists are lending to Magnificus, the curator of the center."

_"Why am put up with Slingshot look-alike?"_ demands Slag over internal radio.

_"And more stupid questions,"_ adds Sludge.

_"To protect her Spay-C,"_ Grimlock responds. _"Otherwise, Gobotron am in trouble for her helping us."_

_"This am dumb mission so far,"_ says Swoop over the radio. _"Dinobots am nowhere near Iacon."_

_"Us go to Iacon later,"_ explains Snarl. _"Avoid Shockwave now."_

"You may go," says the Class Five. "Magnificus is expecting you." The jetwarrior allows Spay-C and the Dinobots to enter Hikage City.

_**Scene:**_ 11

At Teletraan One in the Ark, Jazz argues with Leader One.

"We demand Spay-C's return immediately," says Leader One, scowling.

"And I'm telling you that I don't have a damned clue what you're talking about," counters Jazz.

Leader One shows Jazz a security video. "Aren't these your guys brandishing swords and holding my officer at gunpoint?" he asks as the video pauses, showing Spay-C surrendering to Grimlock.

Jazz winces. "We didn't order them to do that!" he spits.

"They did it anyway, and I'm holding the Autobots responsible," says Leader One. "If Spay-C is not returned safely to Guardian Headquarters within one hour-*"

Jazz cuts Leader One off. "Could you hold off on your ultimatum until we figure out _where_ the Dinobots took her? We might not be able to get her to you in an hour."

"Not my problem. Return Spay-C," orders Leader One. "or prepare for attack. Your choice. Leader One out." Leader One ends the transmission.

"Blaster," asks Jazz, "have you found the Dinobots yet?"

"No," says Blaster.

"We sent them to Cybertron, man," Jazz groans. "How'd Spay-C get mixed up in this scrap?"

"The Dinobots wanted to avoid a direct confrontation with Shockwave and his forces," states Wheeljack. "Since Spay-C's a Guardian and a shuttle, the Dinobots figured that Shockwave wouldn't attack her and provoke war with Gobotron."

"This is actually good," adds Ratchet. "Grimlock's using strategy."

"So the Dinobots _are_ on Cybertron?" asks Jazz.

Wheeljack nods.

"If they don't get Spay-C's aft back to UNECOM soon," says Jazz, "_we're_ the ones going to war with the Guardians."

_**Scene:**_ 12

The last of the guests at the biology conference exit Magnificus Center.

A black and silver Decepticon mech with gold optics walks up to the reptilian exhibit. "You five may transform and deactivate your holoemitters now," he says.

"How him am know?" asks Swoop, transforming along with the other Dinobots.

"Why us am listen to Decepticon?" adds Slag, scowling down at the mech.

"You am look like Perceptor," says Sludge, staring at the black and silver mech.

"Your friend Perceptor and I are the same make," says the mech, "and we're rather close."

"Who am you?" asks Grimlock.

"I am Magnificus," says the mech. "As you are friends of Perceptor," continues Magnificus, "you are my guests."

"Sure you no am mean 'you am me Magnificus prisoners, Autobot fools'?" says Sludge sardonically, performing a bad Megatron impersonation.

"No," says Magnificus, laughing. "I hold no common cause with Megatron, young one," he continues, "and my days as a soldier are long-ended."

"Please, come with me," says a smaller mech with an odd mop of silver hair. "I am Gamede, Magnificus' personal assistant."

"Why am you have hair?" wonders Swoop as he and the other Dinobots follow Gamede and Magnificus out of the Center.

"I am a cyborg," says Gamede, "but of Magnificus' design. It's a long story."

"Am hear lot of that lately," mutters Sludge.

"Don't mind him," says Swoop, grinning. "Him Sludge am in bad mood."

"Him refuse to sleep," adds Grimlock. "Am under a lot of stress."

"Shut up! Him Magnificus am Decepticon," spits Sludge.

"Me Grimlock simply warn Magnificus to not be stupid like him Megatron and try to double-cross us," says Grimlock.

"I categorically refuse to be as stupid as Megatron," laughs Magnificus.

"Him use big words like Perceptor too," muses Snarl aloud.

"Him am better conversationalist, though," says Swoop.

"Perceptor has always been rather shy," says Gamede, "but he has such a vast vocabulary that he loathes leaving a word unused."

"How is Perceptor?" asks Magnificus as the group reaches Magnificus' home.

"Him am fine," says Swoop.

"Am do science stuff," adds Slag. "Very boring."

"He could have done more rewarding 'science stuff' here," scoffs Magnificus, "although I suppose being on an organic alien world has its allure. He is a biologist, after all."

The group enters Magnificus' home.

"It's a pity, though," says Gamede, shaking his head. "He had such a fine career as Ember-_kijo's_ science tutor."

"You know what an insufferable idealist Perceptor is," snorts Magnificus in disgust.

Sludge studies several portraits of Perceptor in the lobby. _Except for battle mask and colors,_ he muses, _Magnificus and Perceptor am look alike._ "Am you him Perceptor creator?" Sludge asks aloud.

"Yes," says Magnificus simply. "That is the only reason I would invite five strange Autobots into my home."

Spay-C hands a note to Gamede. "Please give this to Grimlock," she says. Spay-C leaves while the Dinobots excitedly crowd around Magnificus.

Gamede smiles. _Magnificus hasn't been this happy in a while,_ he says to himself, looking up at Perceptor's portrait. _I wonder which of Perceptor's friends in the Autobots created these five._

_**Scene:**_ 13

Back on Earth, outside the Ark, the Autobots defend themselves against the Guardians for the third day in a row.

"Don't these guys quit?" spits Ironhide.

"Return Spay-C now," demands Road Ranger, exhausted.

Turbo continues fighting Optimus, sluggishly dodging the Autobot leader's punches. "Come on, Prime," he scoffs, "you're out of ammo, low on energy, and out of luck."

"You're not exactly at the top of your game either," says Optimus, staggering after Turbo. "Why don't we end this pointless battle?"

Leader One lands tiredly, his optics sputtering behind his visor. "This fight ends," he says, struggling to stand, "when Spay-C returns."

"Dude," groans Air Raid. "Can't we all at least take a fuel break? We're about to collapse."

Silverbolt tries to fire his electrostatic discharge rifle; low on energy, the rifle peters out. "Fuck," he spits.

Slingshot pats Silverbolt's shoulder. "You'll do better next time, guy," he grins.

"You're just as tired and out of ammo as I am," says Silverbolt, glaring at Leader One. "Let's just tackle the son of a glitch who started this fucking fight."

"Yeah," yawns Skydive. "Let's get him." He drops to the ground and enters rest cycle as the other Aerialbots try to attack Leader One.

_**Scene:**_ 14

Small Foot sips on an energon cube as she watches the Guardians fight the Autobots with an amused Skywarp.

"Why ain't you fighting the good fight with your Guardian brothers and sisters, Trucksie?" laughs Skywarp.

"Because it's stupid and pointless cable waving on Leader One's part. It stopped being about Spay-C two days ago," says Small Foot.

"And you're breaking Gobotron law," continues Skywarp, laughing again as Royal-T collides with Slingshot.

"I know," says Small Foot, "but when this idiotic brawl finally winds down, I'm the only one with enough energy to lug everyone back to Arizona."

"Hey! Those cubes are drinking themselves!" balks Skywarp.

"Wow," says Scooter, dropping his hologram. "I've never had energon before."

"Nectar of the heavens," adds Hound as he deactivates his hologram. "This really hits the spot."

"Thanks, Skywarp," says Mirage, reappearing. "This kind of combat is beneath me."

"You fraggers get back down there and help your leaders!" spits Skywarp. "Entertain me!"

"Look, pal: if Small Foot isn't down there," says Scooter, "then neither am I."

"You're the only clown I see here," adds Hound, finishing an energon cube.

_**Scene:**_ 15

"Her Spay-C pull dirty trick," seethes Sludge.

"No; her am have good point," says Grimlock, sulky.

Sludge snatches the datapad with Spay-C's message. "Letters, Letters," he says in a singsong tone, about to read the Guardian femme's note aloud. "'You demanded that I provide you safe passage to Cybertron. I have complied. I am not obligated to grant the five of you a ride home.' Her am jerk."

"Her am smart jerk," fumes Grimlock. "Dinobots find other way home. Now us find Iacon and get tools."

"How?" asks Slag.

Sludge grins. "Let's split up, gang!" he says. "Me am go with Swoop and Snarl.

"Good plan. Slag, you come with me Grimlock," says Grimlock.

"'Ruh-oh, Raggy'," says Slag. "Slag want Scooby Snack."

_**Scene:**_ 16

Spay-C lands in Oregon, in front of Omega Supreme in rocket base mode. "Please contact Leader One," she says, "and inform him of my safe return."

Omega is silent.

"I need to report to my superiors," says Spay-C. "Knowing Leader One, he may have Autobot Headquarters under attack."

Omega transforms. "Negative," he states.

"Why not?" asks Spay-C.

"Fact: Dinobots missing," says Omega. "Return: demanded."

"I was already forced at gunpoint to escort them to Cybertron," Spay-C says, irritated. "I refuse to ferry them back here."

Omega grins. "Refusal: disregarded," says Omega as he grabs Spay-C and flies off in root mode.

_**Scene:**_ 17

Skywarp, Small Foot, Scooter, Mirage, and Hound continue to watch the now-anemic fight.

"They're still going," grins Skywarp.

"I'm receiving a distress call," says Small Foot.

"This is Spay-C," says Spay-C over Small Foot's commlink. "I have escaped the Dinobots," she continues as Omega passes over the five mechas' heads, "however, I have been captured by Omega Supreme."

"Struggle: meaningless," says Omega, his voice carrying over the skies of Oregon.

Optimus groans. "Damn it, Omega!" he spits, dropping to his knees. "Just drop the Guardian glitch and retrieve the Dinobots!"

Omega transforms in mid-air, pulling Spay-C inside, and exits Earth's atmosphere.

"First...the Dinobots..." says Leader One, crawling towards Optimus, "and now...Omega Supreme... You...are going...down." Leader One collapses.

Skywarp, Scooter, Hound, and Mirage all laugh.

Small Foot glares at the four mechs, then flies into the battle, landing between a tired Turbo and Ironhide.

"Outta the way, Small Foot," says Turbo. "I'm gonna teach this...slaggin' rustbucket a lesson...he won't forget..."

"Ya turbo-revvin' punk...!" spits Ironhide. "I'm gonna learn ya...some fraggin' manners."

"Turbo's my name, old man," Turbo groans. "Don't wear it out-!"

Small Foot punches Turbo. "No, Taichirou: it's your code name," she says.

"Why'd ya hit me?" says Turbo, rubbing his jaw.

Small Foot punches Ironhide twice, knocking him out. "Because this fight is stupid," she says, "and it ends now."

Leader One struggles to stand to his feet. "Small Foot," he says, glaring at Small Foot, "this is insubordination..."

"So what!?" says Small Foot, planting a foot on Leader One's back. "What are you going to do about it, sir: flail about tiredly because you're out of gas, or whine?"

Several Guardians and Autobots drop to the ground.

"Oh, and by the way," continues Small Foot, turning to Optimus, "there's a Decepticon watching you make utter fools of yourselves."

"A smashing show, Prime," says Skywarp, toasting Optimus with his energon cube.

"Cheers," add Mirage and Hound.

"Kuwari Keiko...you are...under arrest," says Road Ranger, stumbling towards Small Foot. "You have...defied Gobotron's...standing energon ban."

"We're all going to have to defy that ban," says Small Foot, "because I'm not dragging all of you back to Headquarters." She gently shoves Road Ranger; the taller mech drops to the ground.

"More!" laughs Skywarp. "More folly, my fools!"

Pathfinder tries to fire at Skywarp, but her blasters fail. "Spay-C...must return," she says tiredly.

On the ground, Trailbreaker looks up at Pathfinder. "She's hot," he grins toward an equally-exhausted Cosmos.

"Yeah," says Cosmos, "but she isn't my type."

_**Scene:**_ 18

"Finally am locate him Wheeljack lab," says Slag.

"Now us am find tools him need," says Grimlock, already starting the search.

Slag shrugs. "No am easy," he says. "Him Wheeljack no can organize."

"Found one tool," says Grimlock, picking up a device.

"But how?" wonders Slag.

"Him Wheeljack organize stuff like him Sludge," explains Grimlock, continuing to locate items at random.

"Oh!" Slag slaps his forehead, then joins Grimlock in his search.

After a few minutes, the two Dinobots finish finding and subspacing all of Wheeljack's tools.

"Why us no am bring other Dinobots, Grimlock?" asks Slag. "Would have found tools faster."

"Him Sludge need to cool down," says Grimlock. "Him brain no am ready to find stuff."

_**Scene:**_ 19

"Come, you Sludge-son," says Swoop, donning a plaid cloak and matching deerstalker hat. "Game am afoot!"

Sludge sighs. "Play Sherlock Holmes game with him Snarl, Swoolmes," he says in an attempt at a doddering British accent.

"But you am do voice better than him Snarl," says Swoop, pouting. "And you am _talk_ more than Snarl."

Snarl yawns and stretches.

"Sludge am tired," says Sludge.

"Sludge am need to sleep," says Swoop, pulling out a pipe. "In order for you to resume your proper rest cycle patterns, then, me dear Sludge-son," continues Swoop, resuming his Sherlock Holmes act, "us must solve conundrum of you Sludge-son's mysterious night terrors."

"Fine, Swoolmes," groans Sludge, putting on a bowler hat and fake mustache.

The two costumed Dinobots continue searching for clues, followed by a bemused Snarl.

Sunstorm and Acid Rain stare at the three Dinobots.

"I don't understand the purpose of the costumes," says Acid Rain.

"It's likely some element these Autobots discovered on Earth," says Sunstorm.

"I'm not sure we can learn anything from this sorry group of Autobots," says Acid Rain.

"We can only learn if we pursue them and listen carefully," says Sunstorm. "Indeed, the game is afoot."

The two Seekers pursue the three Dinobots.

_**Scene:**_ 20

Sludge stares at a keypad. "This am...familiar. Building am familiar," he says aloud, looking up at the tall building.

Swoop joins Sludge at the front of the building, in Iacon. "Us am never at this area of Cybertron before," he says. "Never am see this building before."

"Me Sludge see it before," says Sludge. "In dreams-but not bad dreams."

"The plot am thicken," says Swoop, stroking his chin. "Too bad us no can enter building without triggering alarm."

Sludge studies the keypad. "Sludge can," he says, putting in a passcode.

The building's door opens.

Swoop stares in shock. "How you am do that?" he wonders as he and Sludge enter the building.

"Me am remember pictures on keypad from dream. Am have lots of funny dreams," Sludge continues, "some good and some bad."

The two Dinobots continue their walk through the building's hallway; they enter a living room.

"Ooh, am nice!" Swoop grins, hopping on the couch. "Comfy yet sturdy."

"Place am have lots of room," adds Sludge. "It am so familiar."

"This place am in your dreams," says Swoop. "Maybe am past life?"

"No. Me Sludge no am reincarnated," counters Sludge. "At least, me no think so."

Swoop's optics widen; he dashes into the kitchen. "What am that?" asks Swoop, looking at a drawer with a comically-large magnifying glass. "'Sideswipe was here...'? 'Property of Sunstreaker...'?" he says, reading the crude laser etchings in the drawer.

"Look like it am done with medical laser," says Sludge, looking over Swoop's shoulder. "Am kind of dumb thing him Sideswipe and him Sunstreaker do with him Ratchet tools."

"What am inside drawer, though?" muses Swoop, opening the drawer.

The open drawer contains a cache of energon cubes.

"Ah, energon!" Swoop says as he grabs a cube and drinks. "This am taste good! Better than rations at home."

"Sludge want some too!" says Sludge, also taking and drinking a cube. He laughs, already a bit overenergized. "Me am feel warm."

"So am Swoop," adds Swoop, hiccupping. "Need to contact him Grimlock about location. Maybe more Autobot tools here."

"Uh-huh," says Sludge, walking back to the couch with another cube in hand. "Am rest on couch," continues Sludge, sitting on the couch. "You Swoop no let me Sludge fall asleep...though me...am tired..." Weary, Sludge drifts into his rest cycle.

After setting Sludge's dropped energon cube on a nearby table, Swoop shakes off a dusty thermal blanket and covers Sludge with the blanket. "You am need sleep," he whispers, smiling.

_**Scene:**_ 21

"This am me Grimlock," says Grimlock over a video commlink from the apartment on Cybertron to med bay in the Ark. "Me am reporting in to you Ratchet."

"What's taking so long, Grimlock?" Ratchet asks, annoyed with a noisy three-way-argument between Wheeljack, Rest-Q, and Baron Von Joy. "And where's Spay-C?"

"Her am probably on Earth by now," spits Grimlock. "Spay-C am strand Dinobots here."

"She _was_ back on Earth," says Ratchet, "but Omega Supreme dragged her off again."

"So Autobots am still stuck with Guardians," says Grimlock.

"Wheeljack's organization is almost perfect!" crows Von Joy.

"Only to a chaotic scatterbrain such as yourself, Von Joy!" spits Rest-Q.

"I don't want _either_ of you frags messing with my tools!" seethes Wheeljack. "I can't locate a damn thing right now!"

Ratchet turns from the monitor. "Shut up, all of you!" he snarls to the three mechs. "I'm on the line with Grimlock now."

"Any word on Spay-C?" asks Rest-Q. "Until she's returned safely to us," the Guardian medic continues, "we will not leave."

"Me am hope her Spay-C burn in hell," says Grimlock.

"Grimlock!" Ratchet admonishes. "We need her alive."

Grimlock grumbles.

"Aw, did she tweak your ego?" asks Ratchet teasingly.

Grimlock's optic band glows, the Dinobot expressing a mix of annoyance and embarrassment.

Ratchet notes Sludge slumped on the couch. "So he's finally getting some rest," says the medic.

"It am about time," says Grimlock. "Why am him Sludge have nightmares, and dreams about _this_ apartment us am in?"

"It...would take too long to explain why," says Ratchet, "and I don't want to tell you over a signal that the Decepticons can monitor."

"So you am tell Dinobots when us return with tools," says Grimlock.

"There will be a lot of ground to cover," says Ratchet blandly, watching as Slag dances in a drunken waltz with Swoop. "I hope you won't get bored."

"Me won't. Am too worried about him Sludge. Dreams am drive him nuts," continues Grimlock. "Him need logical explanation."

Ratchet sighs.

"Preferably the truth," says Grimlock. "Me am end transmission."

As Grimlock terminates the commlink, Ratchet snorts at the monitor.

Wheeljack shakes his head, bemused. "It's almost like Gearshift's back at his apartment," he says pointedly to Ratchet.

"Except he isn't," scoffs Ratchet. "_Grimlock_ is in Gearshift's apartment."

"I know that," says Wheeljack, "but their temperaments are pretty similar. It's easy to make that mistake."

"Especially when you miss your friends," says Ratchet.

"And family," Wheeljack adds, placing a hand on Ratchet's shoulder.

"The Dinobots got into Gearshift's stash of high-grade, by the way," says Ratchet after a moment.

"I hope they bring that back along with our tools," says Wheeljack.

"Yeah," says Ratchet. "We're all going to need it."

"After we finally throw the Guardians out on their aft plates," says Wheeljack, glaring at Von Joy and Rest-Q, "so I can finally get my workshop back in order."

END ISSUE 21-A


	2. Instigator of Misfortune

TRANSFORMERS: CYBERTRON SAGA

_**AUTOBOTS #21-B**_: INSTIGATOR OF MISFORTUNE.

_byline_: Anubis C. Soundwave

_**Scene:**_ 1

At the Intelligence Center inside Deceptibase, Soundwave monitors the Dinobots' actions and brain waves through his new spy, planted by Sunstorm and Acid Rain per Soundwave's orders.

"You Squawktalk am pretty bird," says Sludge.

Grimlock grunts, scrutinizing Squawktalk. "Him am look like Laserbeak. You Swoop sure him not Decepticon?" he asks Swoop.

"Me no spot Decepticon insignia," says Swoop. "Him am safe."

_Subjects also desire "pretty bird" as a pet,_ says Soundwave to himself, chuckling at the Dinobots' naivete.

"Him talk too much," says Snarl, annoyed with Squawktalk's stream of endless chatter. "Never shut up."

"Him can't be Decepticon," scoffs Slag. "Megatron no have patience for him Squawktalk and kill him by now."

_Obnoxiousness: designed,_ muses Soundwave quietly.

"Am already have Bluestreak," says Snarl. "Me am shut off audio sensors."

_Autobot Bluestreak: basis of Squawktalk,_ Soundwave snickers, unable to contain his amusement.

Rumble and Frenzy enter the Intelligence Center.

Frenzy sees Squawktalk's wing. "That's torture, Boss!" he says.

"Not even the Autobots deserve him!" adds Rumble, horrified. "New low, even for you."

"Acknowledged. Intelligence gathering potential: ideal," says Soundwave.

Several hours pass as Soundwave, Rumble, and Frenzy continue to observe the Dinobots via Squawktalk.

Sludge begins to drift in and out of his rest cycle. _Him Squawktalk...send brain scan noise...?_ thinks Sludge. _No...him no am have storage capacity to steal thoughts...like him Soundwave. Him Swoop am already check to make sure..._

The three Decepticons hear Sludge's thoughts, Soundwave amplifying the sound of Sludge's brain waves for Rumble and Frenzy's benefit.

_And...him Squawktalk no am Decepticon. Him am...friend,_ continues Sludge, smiling at Squawktalk. _Him talking keep bad dreams away...only good dreams about Sludge-Hackwrench...in this apartment..._ Sludge falls asleep.

Rumble trembles, his mouth open in shock.

"H-how...?" spits Frenzy, punching Soundwave's leg. "How in zarkin' hell does Dino-frag know about Hackwrench?"

"Hackwrench likely identified to Dinobots as co-creation of Autobots Trauma and Triage," states Soundwave. "Proper query: why does Dinobot Sludge dream of Hackwrench, who was terminated 4.6 M-cycles prior to the Dinobots' creation?"

"What kind of bad dreams is he having about Hackwrench?" wonders Rumble.

Frenzy shoots Rumble a sour glance.

"_We_ could think of some fraggin' nasty doozies," Rumble says to Frenzy, "but lizard-breath here shouldn't have any of that scrap in his braincase."

"Affirmative, Rumble," says Soundwave calmly, touching his chin in thought. "Deeper neuroprobe of subject required."

Rumble and Frenzy stare at Soundwave. _Does he switch off his emotions?_ they wonder.

"Monitor Autobot Headquarters," Soundwave orders the small pair of mechs. "I will continue observation of the Dinobots."

"Sure, Boss," says Rumble.

"Yeah; we're on it," adds Frenzy.

After linking a neurocable directly to his console, Soundwave intensifies his telepathic probe of Sludge, who sleeps peacefully even as Squawktalk continues his incessant chatter.

_**Scene:**_ 2

Spay-C and Omega Supreme stare each other down on Cybertron's white moon, Zhenova.

"I will not be able to deceive Shockwave again," says Spay-C.

"Recommendation: try," says Omega. "Retrieve Dinobots."

"I do not appreciate being kidnapped twice," counters Spay-C.

"Dinobots: friends. Friends: stranded," states Omega impassively. "Culpalbility: yours."

"Culpalbility: _theirs_. The Dinobots had no exit strategy. That is no fault of mine," says Spay-C, peeved.

"Impasse: continues," says Omega, scowling.

The Guardian shuttle and the Autobot Sentinel glare at each other as they sit, looking at Cybertron from Zhenova's orbit; neither one is willing to yield.

_**Scene:**_ 3

One week later, Acid Rain knocks on the door to Gearshift's apartment.

Grimlock answers the door. "Who am you Decepticons?" he asks. "Me Grimlock not interested in magazine subscriptions."

Acid Rain chuckles. "I am Acid Rain," he says, "and this is my associate Sunstorm. "The two of us have been spying on you for a few days," he continues, "but we have learned nothing."

"You and your fellows have been granted safe escort to Zhenova," says Sunstorm, "where you will meet with your Autobot cohort Omega Supreme and return to Earth."

"Why am you let us go without incident?" asks Grimlock, suspicious.

"It's a courtesy that Subcommander Shockwave has decided to grant you on behalf of the Guardian Spay-C, who is also on Zhenova," says Acid Rain.

"As you have caused no harm during your presence on Cybertron," adds Sunstorm, "we saw no reason to provoke any hostility between us and Gobotron."

The other Dinobots arrive at the door, along with Squawktalk, perched on Sludge's shoulder.

"May I ask," says Acid Rain, "why the five of you came here?"

"You may ask," says Grimlock, "but me Grimlock maybe choose not to answer."

Acid Rain starts to retort, but his optics widen in delight at the sight of two cubes of high-grade energon in Slag's hands.

"If us am give each of you these," says Slag, grinning, "then you am stop asking stupid questions."

Sunstorm smiles back at Slag as the jetwarrior takes the cubes, handing one to Acid Rain. "We gladly accept your offer," he says.

"Good. Dinobots: us go to Zhenova," says Grimlock, exiting the apartment; he takes off into the sky. The other Dinobots follow suit.

"I had thought that a god of your caliber would be above accepting bribes," says Acid Rain with a smirk as he savors his cube of high-grade.

"Even the gods may relent if appeased with proper offerings," says Sunstorm, sipping his cube of high-grade.

Meanwhile: the Dinobots, in the sky, head out of Cybertron's atmosphere.

"See, you Slag?" says Swoop. "No am always need to fight."

"Your plan am good," says Slag, "but Slag still want to fight."

Out of Cybertron's atmosphere, the Dinobots head towards Zhenova.

_**Scene:**_ 4

Spay-C lands in front of the Ark; Omega returns to his usual landing area near Mount St. Hilary, then reverts to root mode.

The Dinobots exit Spay-C, Sludge handing Squawktalk a cookie.

"I love microchip cookies," says Squawktalk. "They're the tastiest..." The blue robot parrot continues, non-stop.

The five Dinobots nod patiently, turning off their audio sensors as they walk inside the Ark with Squawktalk.

Fifteen minutes pass, as Guardians and Autobots hurry out of Autobot Headquarters in small groups, clutching their heads and ears.

"Who's watching the prisoners?" asks Red Alert. "We can't leave Skywarp alone in there."

"Mirage and Hound will keep an optic on 'im," says Ironhide.

"Serves the fraggers right if that bird of the Dinobots' drives them both up a wall," adds Brawn ruefully.

Pathfinder rushes to Spay-C, hugging the Guardian shuttle. "We're glad to have you back!" she cries. "We can go home!"

"We'll be glad when you all go!" spits Slingshot.

Spay-C studies Omega a moment, watching as the Autobot Sentinel gives an audible sigh of relief. "This...misunderstanding between our groups regarding our motives must be eliminated," she states.

"How so?" asks Leader One.

"I can forgive the other Guardians," says Optimus, "but Leader One has been as insufferable as always."

"Mach-3 owes me a new bean bag chair," says Fireflight, pouting.

"And I want a new TV from Turbo," adds Air Raid. "With brand-new game systems and games to go with them."

"So you can't abscond Dewey's," says Road Ranger knowingly.

"Fine," Turbo snorts.

Spay-C sighs. "With your permission," she says to Leader One, "I would like to offer a free demonstration of a new technology the Guardians are testing."

"Hm. It would take several M-cycles for the Autobots to implement it properly," says Leader One. "Proceed, Spay-C."

"Engage: Super Mode!" says Spay-C as she grows to the size of a gestalt; the shape of her head changes.

"Ah!" cries Von Joy, ecstatic. "The Super Mode is _zeragutto_! It is perfect!"

"Impressive," says Optimus.

"Yes," says Leader One, smug. "Once we iron out any kinks," he adds, "we should be able to deal with any future gestalt problems from the Renegades-or any other quarter."

"Even without Courageous," Turbo adds, grinning at Rest-Q.

"This is _proper_ unorthodox thinking," says Rest-Q.

"How long would a Guardian be able to sustain the mass-shifting?" asks Perceptor. "Have you accounted for any trans-dimensional differentials and any neurological effects?"

Leader One waggles his index finger. "That's enough of our secrets for one day. Spay-C," he continues, "disengage."

Spay-C ignores Leader One, striding towards Omega instead.

_What is she doing?_ Leader One wonders silently, confused.

Spay-C taps Omega on the shoulder. "I request that you remove your face shield. You will not come to any injury," she says.

Omega gives Spay-C a skeptical glare, but complies.

Spay-C kisses Omega; after a moment of optic-widening shock, Omega responds in kind.

"I guess there ain't any hard feelings," grins Inferno.

"Maybe not between them," says Royal-T, "but I'd be happy to teach Mickey Douglas over there how to fight for real," he continues, pointing at Slingshot.

"Didn't Turbo tell you that it ain't polite to point, you rusty old Hawker Sid?" scoffs Slingshot.

"Look: Spay-C's here, and she's safe," spits Skydive, breaking a chessboard into pieces. "Go home!"

Leader One laughs. "It's been a surprising pleasure, Optimus Prime," he says, taking off into the sky.

"The pleasure was all _yours_," says Optimus.

Leader One gives Optimus a thin smile. "That's right. Let's head back to base, everyone," he orders the other Guardians.

Heatseeker mock-salutes Skydive as he joins Leader One and the other Guardians in the air. "I'm always available for a rematch," he says.

Spay-C and Omega end their kiss. The Guardian shuttle disengages her Super Mode and joins her comrades.

The Guardians fly due south, towards Arizona.

"Good riddance, Guardian scum!" crows Pocket playfully, sitting on Sunstreaker's shoulders.

"Quiet, son!" says Sunstreaker. "We don't want them to come back."

"Good Knight might molest your enamel again, huh, Sunseeker?" snorts Pocket, rolling his optics. The Renegade tin pet leaps off Sunstreaker's shoulders and walks toward Optimus.

Sunstreaker shakes his head. "Where did I go wrong in raising my boy, Sideswipe?"

Sideswipe snickers. "Your biggest mistake was just being yourself," he quips.

"You're the worst brother ever," pouts Sunstreaker.

"Yeah, but I'm the only one Countach created for you," says Sideswipe. "Suck it up."

Omega sits down, grinning.

Optimus gives the Autobot Sentinel a thumbs-up. "Not bad, Omega. Not bad."

"Shouldn't we go back inside the Ark?" asks Bumblebee.

"No!" shout all of the Autobots.

"Not until Squawktalk winds down," adds Prowl, massaging beneath his red chevron.

_**Scene:**_ 5

_"Shh,"_ says Swoop over internal radio. _"Him Squawktalk am finally asleep."_

_"So am him Sludge,"_ says Snarl over the radio, smiling as he strokes Sludge's helm. _"Stupid bird quiet at last."_

Ratchet pokes his head into the Dinobots' quarters. "Your chatterbird's asleep?" he asks in a whisper.

The two Dinobots nod.

_"Use internal radio,"_ says Grimlock. _"No want to wake him Sludge-and definitely not damned bird."_

_"I'll make sure this bird stays asleep for a while longer,"_ says Ratchet over the radio, injecting Squawktalk with a somniferous fluid. He covers the robot parrot with a small sheet. _"I need to study him in med bay."_

_"You am thinking what me Grimlock am thinking?"_ asks Grimlock.

_"It likely is what you're thinking. Sludge should have detected the brain scan signals coming from this guy,"_ continues Ratchet. _"His hearing is as sensitive as Blaster's."_

_"Dinobots check Squawktalk,"_ protests Swoop.

_"We know you did,"_ says Ratchet, raising a placating hand. _"Grimlock and I are just being extra-cautious because Red Alert will have a fit if we aren't."_

_"Him Squawktalk keep him Sludge calm,"_ says Snarl.

_"Sludge get to sleep,"_ adds Slag.

_"We can't afford to keep turning off our audio sensors for our sanity,"_ says Ratchet, grinning. _"If Squawktalk checks out," he adds, "I'll try to fix his Bluestreak Syndrome."_

Swoop pouts. _"Okay,"_ he says.

_"And as far as those dreams you're all still worried about,"_ Ratchet continues with a look to Grimlock, _"I'll explain that when I've taken care of Squawktalk."_

Grimlock nods as he polishes his sword.

Ratchet leaves the Dinobots' quarters with Squawktalk.

_**Scene:**_ 6

One hour before dawn, Sludge rises up, still asleep and in the throes of a nightmare.

He punches a nearby wall. "Me am hate you!" he roars. "You am hurt Soundwave! Me kill you, Prime!"

Outside the Dinobots' room, Optimus winces. _This is not how I expected to own up to my past sins,_ he sighs, _but I must calm Sludge's fears._

Optimus enters the Dinobots' quarters, gripping Sludge's shoulder. "Sludge," he says, calm. "Wake up."

"No!" says Sludge angrily, unable to distinguish between dream and reality. "You Optimus let me Hackwrench go! You am _never_ touch me again!" the Dinobot adds with a powerful slap, knocking Optimus to the ground.

Optimus picks up his battle mask and reattaches it; he then grabs Sludge and pins the Dinobot against the wall. "Sludge!" he says. "Wake up!"

"Let me go," says Sludge, in a low, guttural growl, "or you die."

Optimus releases Sludge, then braces himself for a brutal attack from the somnolent Dinobot.

Sludge kicks Optimus near Slag's bed.

Slag, still asleep, stirs. "Good fighting, Slingshot. Me am still better," he mutters.

_I have to stop Sludge before he kills me in his sleep,_ says Optimus to himself as he stands to his feet and dodges a wild swing from Sludge. _Think! What would alert Sludge to the real world?_

Optimus notes a crayon-circled TV schedule over Swoop's bed. "That's it!" he says aloud, evading Sludge's attacks as he turns on the TV, raising the TV volume to maximum.

A clown stands under a spotlight. "Good morning, everyone!" says the clown in a deep-yet-raspy voice. "Welcome to the _**Mr. Clown Show**_, starring Mr. Clown!"

Sludge slows down on hearing Mr. Clown's voice. "Wait!" he says, still half-asleep. "Me am kill you later, Prime," Slugde continues. "Mr. Clown am on..."

Optimus drops to his haunches, looking at the costumed actor on TV that provided his salvation with exhausted relief and gratitude in his optics.

"Huh...?" says Sludge, refreshing his optics. "What am Mr. Clown to me Hackwrench...? Wait a minute," the Dinobot continues, looking at his surroundings. He sees _**Mr. Clown**_ playing on TV and Optimus crouching on the ground in his quarters.

"I'll wait, Sludge," says Optimus patiently.

"Me no am Hackwrench," says Sludge slowly. "Me am Sludge. Optimus am good leader."

Optimus rises to his feet. "You...definitely are Sludge," he says, sighing.

Sludge groans. "Me am have another nightmare," he says.

"I know," says Optimus, steeling himself for a difficult talk with the Dinobot. "You deserve to understand why."

"Am ready to listen," says Sludge, who suddenly notices that Squawktalk is missing from the Dinobots' room. "Wait. Where am him Squawktalk?"

"Your bird?" asks Optimus. "I'm not sure."

Sludge shakes Slag. "Where am him Squawktalk!?" he demands.

Slag grumbles, roused from his rest cycle. "Him Ratchet take bird for checkup," he says.

"No!" spits Sludge, upset. "Squawktalk am scared of him Ratchet! No wonder me am have stupid nightmare!"

"It's alright, Sludge," says Optimus. "I'm sure your friend Squawktalk will be fine."

"No am hear Squawktalk chatter," says Sludge, trembling, "so am have nightmare! Me almost kill you!" Sludge bolts out of the Dinobots' quarters.

Optimus turns to Slag. "What was Ratchet's concern?" he asks.

Slag snorts, annoyed. "Him and Grimlock think stupid bird am Decepticon like Laserbeak," he says, "but Dinobots already check to make sure. Him Sludge am detect brain scan noise, but him Swoop check to make sure no onboard recording device or hard drive inside Squawktalk head."

"Unfortunately, Slag," says Optimus, "that would simply mean..."

_**Scene:**_ 7

"...that your parrot friend here is a living brain scan microphone that extends Soundwave's range," says Ratchet, stern but calm.

"Sorry, Sludge," adds Grimlock, revealing the still-sleeping Squawktalk's Decepticon sigils, "but him am Decepticon."

Sludge trembles, furious. "Me Sludge am locate Soundwave," he says in a low voice, "and then me crush him." Sludge exits med bay in a rage before Grimlock and Ratchet can react.

Ratchet glares at Squawktalk. "No point in me telling Sludge to wait, huh?" he asks Grimlock.

"Nope," says Grimlock. "You am slowpoke."

Wearing a quizzical expression on his face, Ratchet hands Squawktalk to Grimlock. "Release Mirage and Hound with these orders," says the medic, giving Grimlock a datapad, "place our brig's newest guest inside the cell next to Skywarp's, then wake our good friend Squawktalk," he adds with a dark grin.

"Him Skywarp am bored and need company," says Grimlock. He leaves med bay with Squawktalk.

_**Scene:**_ 8

Hidden outside Autobot Headquarters, Rumble and Frenzy note Sludge's departure.

"He's off like a rocket!" says Rumble.

"Yeah, and he's torqued!" adds Frenzy, grinning. "His heading is straight for Deceptibase."

"At least we know who the slagger's after," snickers Rumble. "Let's head his scaly aft off and bust him up for the Boss."

"You head him off," says Frenzy, "while I contact the Boss."

Rumble takes off after Sludge.

Frenzy starts to contact Soundwave, but receives a transmission. "Yeah, this is Frenzy," he says. "Boss," he grins, "I was just about to call ya! That Dino-dope is headed your way."

"Acknowledged," says Soundwave's voice over Frenzy's audio commlink. "Report to transmitted coordinates."

"Uh, you okay, Boss?" asks Frenzy, noting a degree of vocal distortion as he receives the coordinates. "Sounds like you've got a bad signal."

"Affirmative. Bad signal," states Soundwave. "Report to coordinates for live discussion."

"Roger that, Soundwave," says Frenzy. "I just gotta contact Rumble and-*"

"Negative. Decepticon Frenzy: report to me...alone," says Soundwave. "Soundwave out." Soundwave ends the transmission.

"Eh? If I didn't know better," says Frenzy aloud, "I'd think something was off with the Boss' _syntax_, too. Then again," he continues, "I know the Boss probably has some crazy multi-layer scheme cooked up. Rumble can take care of himself against Sludge-face."

_Frenzy takes off, headed southwest._

_**Scene:**_ 9

Rumble notes Sludge in his alt mode at the beach near Deceptibase. "Hey, you evolutionary dead-end," he scoffs at Sludge, "even a dummy like you should know that we won't just open our base to ya!"

Sludge is silent.

"Aw, too sad to talk?" Rumble mocks, landing in front of Sludge. "I know you're after Soundwave," he continues, "but while he takes his sweet time getting ready, you can rumble with..."

Sludge's head falls off.

"What the...?" Rumble analyzes the headless Sludge. "This ain't that Dinobot! It's a pile of slaggin' scrap!" Rumble kicks the fake Sludge body...

...triggering an explosion for his trouble.

_**Scene:**_ 10

In his cell at Autobot Headquarters, Skywarp clutches his head. "Zarkin' slaggers!" he spits. "I'll talk! Frag it, I'll talk! I'll tell you anything you want to know! Just get that damned bird away from me!"

"That's great to hear," says Optimus. "Unfortunately," he continues, "you simply don't have any actionable intelligence that we could use."

"Aw, come on, Prime," says Skywarp, pleading. "I've got lots of intelligence. Quiz me!"

_I'm sure Soundwave would be thrilled to know that Squawktalk will also serve him well as an interrogation tool,_ thinks Optimus. "We don't want you to make up scrap to escape your fate," he says to Skywarp.

"You really are a sick, twisted frag, Prime-you know that!?" Skywarp seethes.

"Yes," says Optimus with a hint of self-loathing, "I do know. I'll visit you in another hour." Optimus exits the brig.

Skywarp glares at Squawktalk. "Damn it, Squawktalk! Why won't you shut up!?" he sputters.

_**Scene:**_ 11

Frenzy arrives at the coordinates, a jungle in southeast Asia. "Okay, Soundwave," he says, "where are ya? What's the deal?"

Soundwave stands in a clearing just outside the jungle, framed by tropical flowers. He beckons silently to Frenzy.

_My scanners are detecting a body of water where the Boss is standin',_ Frenzy notes to himself.

"Come to me...now, Frenzy," orders Soundwave. "Command: issued."

Frenzy grows suspicious. "If you want me to come to ya that badly, Boss," he sneers, "then just call me back!"

"Fool," spits Soundwave. "Ejection mechanism: disabled. Query: idiotic."

Frenzy scowls at Soundwave. "Boss or no boss," he seethes, "I ain't lettin' ya make fun of me!" He flies at Soundwave...

...but runs into nothing.

"Hey! Where'd you go!?" demands Frenzy. "You ain't that fast!"

"Frenzy," Soundwave mocks, "Look here."

Frenzy looks toward Soundwave, noting that the dark blue mech makes obscene Earthian gestures with his hands. "Why, you...! I'll _frag_ ya, alright!" he snarls, again charging at Soundwave.

This time, the mech is solid; Soundwave grabs Frenzy by the arms and laughs.

Angry, Frenzy kicks Soundwave's face, freeing himself from Soundwave's grip in the process. "I'll hand you your aft, pal!" he spits.

Soundwave laughs, his lip components visible; he tosses away his broken red visor. "Conclusion: Decepticon subject Frenzy...am complete idiot," he says, revealing his identity as...

_**Scene:**_ 12

"Sludge is _where_, Blaster?" asks Ratchet.

"Somewhere in Southeast Asia. In a jungle," Blaster reports.

"That's nowhere _near_ Decepticon Headquarters!" balks Ratchet. "Why'd he go there if he wants to smash Soundwave?"

"Maybe Sludge changed his mind about revenge," says Beachcomber, "and is meditating on a nonviolent solution."

Ratchet scowls at the Autobot geologist. "If you weren't a pacifist hyper-head," he says, "I'd hit you."

Grimlock chuckles.

"Please inform us of your joke's punch line, Grimlock," says Optimus. "Don't keep us in suspense."

"Him Sludge no am stupid," says Grimlock. "Him am stupid genius."

"How?" asks Wheeljack. "Why would he go to a jungle if he wants to beat Soundwave into scrap metal?"

Slag pats Wheeljack's shoulder condescendingly. "Silly Wheeljack," he says, "him Sludge am..."

_**Scene:**_ 13

"...jungle demolitions expert," says Sludge, grinning at Frenzy.

Frenzy, hanging upside down from a tree by his ankles, glares at the Dinobot. "What's the point of making me a fraggin' _piñata_?" he asks.

Sludge pulls Frenzy close. "You am bait for big fish," he says.

"Yeah, right! Ya managed to get the drop on _me_, ya stupid lizard," sneers Frenzy, "but the Boss ain't no amateur! This ain't his first rodeo!"

"No. It am him Soundwave last one," says Sludge, a cruel grin marring his features.

Frenzy stares at the Dinobot. _I'm gonna hate this,_ he says to himself.

"Me Sludge no am stupid lizard," continues Sludge, pushing Frenzy into the tree trunk.

Frenzy's body swings back to Sludge, carried by momentum.

"Me am Decepti-lizard," Sludge finishes, shoving Frenzy forcefully into the tree trunk.

Frenzy, his body splitting the tree trunk, is knocked out.

_**Scene:**_ 14

Rumble awakens, facing Soundwave, who repairs the smaller mech's injuries. Laserbeak studies the pair from his perch on a nearby boulder.

"...Boss?" says Rumble. "What hit me?"

"Explosion detected," states Soundwave, completing repairs.

"Oh, yeah: that slaggin' Dinobot tricked me with a decoy," spits Rumble. "Looks like he's got a few neurons firing in his braincase after all."

Soundwave stands, tense. "Unable to detect Frenzy," he says. "Rumble: report last location."

"He was outside Autobot Headquarters with me, like you ordered," says Rumble as he stands. "That Dinobot shot off toward Deceptibase-or so I thought," he adds, gesturing towards the shredded fake Sludge parts.

Soundwave looks at the Sludge mock-up.

"Frenzy said he'd hail you to give you a heads-up about the Dinobot gunnin' for ya, Boss," continues Rumble. "Did ya get his call?"

"No transmission received," says Soundwave.

Rumble stares at the fake Sludge remains. "If you never got a message from Frenzy," he says, "and my contact with 'Sludge' turned out to be a zarkin' dinosaur-shaped booby trap, then what the hell happened to Frenzy?"

Soundwave looks down at Rumble. "Frenzy: captive," he answers.

"How are we going to find them?" asks Rumble.

"Nearest location from Autobot Headquarters: jungles; southeast Asian subcontinent," says Soundwave. "Only nearby area usable for Dinobot Sludge to execute plan."

"Frenzy's just the bait, Boss. That Dinobot's trap is for _you_," says Rumble.

"Acknowledged," says Soundwave. "Challenge: accepted." He laughs for a moment, then takes off. Rumble and Laserbeak follow suit.

_**Scene:**_ 15

"Incoming transmission, General Newcastle," says Nick.

"From where?" asks General Newcastle, standing with A. J. and Matt.

"It's...from the Decepticons," says Nick.

Leader One, Turbo, Spay-C, Small Foot, and Road Ranger arrive at the control room in UNECOM.

"What's going on?" asks Turbo.

"The Decepticons," says Matt, tense.

"Please," says Leader One, "put it onscreen."

Megatron appears, scowling at the Guardians and humans. "This is-*" he states.

"We know who _you_ are," says A. J., "so please quit wasting our time and yours. State your business."

"My business, flesh creature," says Megatron, narrowing his optics at the human, "is with Leader One and the Guardians. For once, this doesn't concern you."

"We intend to stick around," counters General Newcastle. "You contacted the Guardians through UNECOM's communications systems," he adds, "so you'll have to deal with us."

"You are irrelevant either way," says Megatron. "I merely wished to impress on Leader One the precarious position that Gobotron is in because of his actions."

"Are you threatening to end our treaty _again_, Megatron?" asks Leader One. "What stupid excuse do you have this time?"

"I wouldn't call allowing my soldiers to fall into enemy captivity stupid, Leader One," counters Megatron. "According to a report from one of my operatives," he continues, "Decepticons Skywarp and Squawktalk are imprisoned at Autobot Headquarters. You allowed the Autobots to capture them."

"Skywarp was captured due to his own stupidity," says Turbo. "We were at Autobot Headquarters because the Autobots had abducted one of our operatives."

"Not that it's any of your damned business what we were doing when Skywarp was captured," adds Small Foot.

"Then let me give you something else to consider, young femme," says Megatron. "Another one of my operatives, Frenzy, has been abducted by a Dinobot: as bait for my chief of communications."

"So an Autobot actually kidnaps _his_ enemies. For the Dinobots," continues Turbo, "this is a good development."

"What do either of these events have to do with us, Megatron?" asks Road Ranger. "The primary stipulation of our agreement is that neither one of our armies would interfere in each other's affairs."

"The pact is not a mandate for the Guardians to carry the Decepticons' water," adds Leader One.

"We aren't your errand boys," continues Turbo. "Dispatch your own rescue teams and fight your own battles."

"Fine talk, Guardians," says Megatron with a crude grin. "However, it could be argued that in order to save herself from Autobot capture, Spay-C dealt in poor faith with Shockwave-allowing the Dinobots to retrieve the tools they needed to subdue Soundwave."

"You're grasping at straws, Megatron," scoffs Matt. "Shockwave sent his team to escort the Dinobots off Cybertron-so they had to know that the Dinobots weren't a threat."

"And both Frenzy and Skywarp are dumber than a sack of potatoes," General Newcastle adds. "My grandson could capture them with or without any tools."

"Know this, Guardians: if my warriors are not returned to me by sunrise," says Megatron, "then Gobotron shall fall. Megatron out." He ends the transmission.

The group of Guardians and humans stare at the viewscreen a moment.

General Newcastle heads to the door. "Leader One," he says, "please gather your senior officers and meet us in the Crisis Room." General Newcastle nods to Matt, A. J., and Nick; he exits the control room.

"Why does he always want to do so much at sunrise?" asks Nick, grinning.

A. J. rolls her eyes. "Megatron's probably afraid of the dark," she quips.

"Come on, you two," says Matt, serious. He and the other humans leave the control room.

"Small Foot," says Leader One, "Contact Pathfinder and Hans Cuff; tell them to meet me at UNECOM's Crisis Room. Road Ranger, I want you to return to Guardian Headquarters with Scooter," he continues, "then meet with Pumper and begin emergency astrobeam procedures."

"Yes, sir," says Road Ranger. He salutes Leader One and leaves.

Small Foot salutes Leader One, then complies.

Leader One and Turbo exchange tense, worried glances.

_**Scene:**_ 16

Dumper scowls. "What's taking so long?" he asks aloud. "We've stood outside Bangalore for four hours since we called for a pickup."

"There's no point in grousing about it, Dumper," says Night Ranger. "I'm sure even our prisoner here would tell us that the brass takes their sweet time."

Fitor, chained between the two Guardians, smirks in spite of the situation.

"I have no interest in hearing anything out of this traitor," says Dumper, "or being anywhere near him."

Out of the three Gobots' view are three Autobots: Optimus, Ratchet, and Wheeljack.

Ratchet grins. "If I had to pick a Renegade to like," he says, "it would be Fitor."

"Especially since he can help us cover more ground," adds Wheeljack wryly.

"I can't continue to plow through India's wildlife preserves," says Optimus, "and clinging outside Cosmos' hull isn't a long-term solution."

"Beachcomber would have a fit," says Wheeljack. "Remember how he let us have it after the electrum lake incident?"

"He had failed to inform any of us that there was a massive electrum deposit until it was far too late to act," says Optimus, who had borne the brunt of Beachcomber's tirade.

A Guardian shuttle lands in front of the two Guardians and Fitor.

"About time," says Dumper. He and Night Ranger board the shuttle with Fitor.

Ratchet rushes to the shuttle, grabbing a leg. "Don't worry," he says, winking at Optimus. "We'll find a way to sneak inside."

Sighing, Optimus follows suit, as does Wheeljack.

The shuttle takes off; Ratchet, Wheeljack, and Optimus shimmy up the ship's legs as they slowly retract. The three Autobots reach the top of the shuttle.

"Any ideas?" asks Optimus.

Wheeljack looks around. "I used to do some work on these shuttles before the War," he says. "Even after all this time," he continues, "a ship like this always has two external access hatches: one at the top, and one at the bottom."

Optimus glares at Wheeljack.

"We should have taken the bottom hatch!" spits Ratchet. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"The bottom hatch is a known security problem," says Wheeljack. "Every time I've been on these frag-blasted Gobot AT-ATs, they've had at least three Guardians posted there."

"I'm surprised the producers of _**Star Wars**_ didn't sue Gobotron," scoffs Ratchet.

"They tried," says Wheeljack, chuckling. "Gobotron's defense, simply put, was 'drop the suit, or we'll countersue for millions of Earth years' worth of back royalties'."

"Where is the top hatch?" asks Optimus.

Wheeljack's optics widen. "Sir," he says, "you're standing on it."

Optimus looks down, then backs away from the hatch.

"Is it under guard?" asks Ratchet.

"No," says Wheeljack. "If my guess is right," he continues, "Fitor's the only one in here."

"Do the Guardians put the Renegades on the honor system?" Ratchet snorts.

"This hatch can only be opened from the outside," says Wheeljack, mirth in his optics.

"Wait, Wheeljack," says Optimus just before Wheeljack starts to open the hatch. "Check for any alarm systems."

"This ship is a no-frills machine," counters Wheeljack. "The Gobot government isn't going to waste credits installing alarms on it."

"No," says Optimus, "but for a high-profile catch like Fitor, I'm sure these Guardians may have improvised something to address this security flaw."

Wheeljack looks over the hatch, noting several tripwires. "You and Red Alert communicate telepathically, don't you, Prime?" he asks facetiously as he disconnects the wires.

"I've heard enough of his security lectures to be his bondmate," scoffs Optimus.

Ratchet and Wheeljack laugh.

_**Scene:**_ 17

Frenzy regains consciousness. _Let me test my motor functions...they work, but I'm in fraggin' pain,_ he thinks. _Why am I so zarkin' low on energy...?_

Sludge crouches down, staring at his captive. "Sludge am bored," he says.

_Oh yeah,_ seethes Frenzy. _I somehow mistook my charmingly violent host here for Soundwave. The Boss ain't exactly rushin' to my rescue,_ he continues ruefully to himself. _Not that I blame him: I'd be insulted too if I got my identity confused with this pile of scrap._

"What am you Frenzy thinking about?" Sludge asks.

Frenzy smirks at Sludge. "If you hadn't fragged my audio card," he rasps, nursing a neck injury, "I'd be happy to tell ya loud and clear."

Sludge sighs. "If him Soundwave no am come soon," he says as he stands, "me Sludge am kill you."

"Ha," Frenzy scoffs weakly. "If you want the Boss to find me," he continues, "you need me alive."

"Wrong answer," says Sludge. He steps on Frenzy's legs, crushing them. "Me Sludge am busy Dinobot. If him Soundwave come to Sludge, then Sludge kill him," he continues. "If him no am come for you, me kill you Frenzy slowly."

_This ain't fair,_ says Frenzy to himself. _The damn Dinobot's worked me over so hard that I'm half-dead already._

"Last thought you Frenzy have am fact that him Soundwave no am care about you," continues Sludge. "That am your nightmare."

_It'd be nice if he'd just shut up and do it already,_ groans Frenzy silently. _His zarkin' syntax is drivin' me nuts!_

"Maybe I'll rip him in half," says Sludge glibly.

Frenzy trembles, frightened. "N-no!" he tries to shriek, his vocoder injury sparking.

Sludge studies Frenzy, confused. "Huh?" he says.

"Don't do that! S-shoot me or somethin', ya sick frag, if ya gotta kill me!" Frenzy continues, staring up at Sludge. "J-just don't do that! P-please!"

"Do what?" asks Sludge.

"Rip me in fraggin half...!" spits Frenzy, his vocoder finally giving out due to his cracked audio card.

"But...me no am say that..." says Sludge.

Frenzy looks at Sludge, unable even to whimper or curl into a ball.

"Frenzy's such a loser, though," continues Sludge, "that ripping him in half _sounds_ like a great idea."

_Hang on a second!_ balks Frenzy. _Dino-frag's voice comes out even when his lip components ain't movin'. He ain't a telepath,_ Frenzy muses, _so what's the deal?_

"Who am there!?" demands Sludge, looking around. "You no copy me Sludge voice!"

Soundwave transforms and leaps on Sludge's back, garroting the Dinobot. "I'm your conscience, Sludge," he hisses into Sludge's audio's while continuing to use the Dinobot's voice. "You're not very nice."

_"...ripping him in half __**sounds**__ like..." I'm a slaggin' idiot!_ balks Frenzy, berating himself. _Am I'm so thrashed that I miss that fraggin' clue?_

Sludge throws Soundwave off his back, freeing himself from the Decepticon's choke hold. "How long you am there?" he says, grinning.

"Long enough to know that you're a very disturbed robot," says Soundwave, still speaking in Sludge's voice. "Those aren't your nightmares, by the way. In fact," Soundwave continues, "those aren't even _your_ thoughts."

Sludge growls. "No am try to confuse me Sludge!" he spits, picking up Frenzy and gripping the small, broken mech by his arms. "Fight me now," he continues, "or him Frenzy die now!"

Soundwave gazes at Sludge. "As you command," he states, resuming his normal voice as he charges at the Dinobot.

"Finally," says Sludge, flinging Frenzy away and attacking Soundwave in earnest.

_**Scene:**_ 18

Fitor lands in a clearing outside a jungle. "I'm detecting Cybertronian life signs nearby," he says as he lets Optimus, Ratchet, and Wheeljack out.

"As am I," says Optimus as Fitor transforms. "We'll take it from here, Fitor. You have our thanks." Optimus bows.

Fitor returns the bow. "I merely sought to honor our agreement." The Renegade jetwarrior takes out a sword and starts to enter the jungle.

"What are you doing?" asks Optimus.

"You've helped us enough already," adds Wheeljack.

"I always see a matter through to the end," says Fitor. "Besides, I'm the only one here who can fly. How will you get home?" He enters the jungle.

"Very considerate of you," says Ratchet.

"Let's go, then," says Optimus, deploying Roller before entering the jungle. Ratchet and Wheeljack follow him in.

Several minutes later, the four mecha feel a tremor.

"That's odd," says Fitor. "This area isn't on a fault line."

"Think we're close to Sludge's position?" asks Ratchet wryly.

A discordant reptilian growl pierces the air.

Optimus sees Sludge's silhouette in the distance, as does Fitor.

"Sludge is the _Apatosaurus_ with the wrong head, correct?" asks Fitor.

Another tremor follows Fitor's question.

"Uh-huh," says Ratchet.

"That's definitely our boy," adds Wheeljack.

"I suppose we're supposed to head _toward_ that," says Fitor, noting Sludge breathing fire at a smaller enemy.

"You always see a matter through to the end," quips Optimus.

"I could strand you here," scoffs Fitor, moving towards the battle, "but that would give the three of you too much dignity."

Ratchet and Wheeljack transform, driving to catch up with Fitor.

Optimus shakes his head. "Why are jetwarriors like this?" he says aloud to himself. He transforms and follows behind the other three mecha, summoning Roller back to the trailer.

Fitor abruptly halts his run.

Wheeljack, Ratchet, and Optimus brake and transform.

"What's the hold up?" asks Ratchet.

"I hear...music," says Fitor.

The Autobots tune their audio sensors.

"Yeah, now we can hear it," says Wheeljack. "Something about it is familiar."

"I know I've heard that riff from 'Purple Haze', but it's in a baroque style," says Fitor.

"A music buff as well as a warrior," says Optimus.

"Yes. One must be disciplined in mind and body," says Fitor. "The words, though, are from disparate segments of _**Carmina Burana**_: _'__Veni, veni, venias/Ne me mori faci-*'_"

Ratchet's optics widen. "We've got to move," he says, adjusting circuitry in his legs. "Sludge is in danger."

"I never thought I'd hear that sentence delivered with a straight face," says Wheeljack.

"That's because you've never seen Soundwave use the Sefirot Harmony," says Ratchet. "Now let's go!" He bolts toward Sludge.

Fitor grabs Optimus and Wheeljack. "This is faster," he says, firing the thrusters embedded within his feet. Holding the two Autobots, Fitor rockets after Ratchet.

_**Scene:**_ 19

"_Gloriosa...generosa..._" chants Sludge slowly, entranced by the music against his will.

Soundwave waves his hands like a conductor, watching as the Dinobot, returned to root mode, sways to the rhythm of the Sefirot Harmony.

Frenzy studies the battle, receiving emergency field repairs from Rumble and Laserbeak. He smirks, still unable to talk.

"Yeah, Dino-frag oughta be honored," says Rumble. "The Boss doesn't break out that number unless he's in trouble."

"Serves the zarkin' slagger right," Frenzy mouths silently.

_"Serves you both right for letting the robot _Apatosaurus_ trick you,"_ quips Ravage in his growls.

Frenzy scowls at Ravage. _"You're a fraggin' laugh riot!"_ he relays to Ravage telepathically.

Ravage and Buzzsaw laugh.

Just before Soundwave can shatter Sludge, Optimus punches Soundwave.

"Hang tough, Frenzy!" says Rumble. "Ravage and I have to kick Big Rig Prime's tailgate!"

"Not if you value your miserable lives," says Fitor, leveling his sword at the small mecha.

"Sludge really did a number on you, Frenzy," adds Wheeljack, gun drawn.

Meanwhile, a wary Optimus watches as Soundwave rises to his feet.

"Optimus Prime," says Soundwave, unperturbed by Optimus' attack. "Interference: inadvisable."

"I've cleaned your clock before," counters Optimus, glaring at Soundwave. "And this time," he continues, "your _mother_ isn't here to save you."

Soundwave shakes his head, then snaps his fingers.

Ratchet starts to repair Sludge...

...except Sludge knocks Ratchet aside. The medic collapses in a heap.

Ratchet groans. _I really should have seen that coming,_ he muses, struggling to a sitting position to stabilize himself for repairs.

_**Scene:**_ 20

Sludge charges after Optimus, in a somnolent trance. "You Prime leave him Soundwave alone!" he demands.

Optimus looks at Soundwave a moment, watching the Decepticon snicker. "I hate you," the Autobot leader says to Soundwave just before Sludge plows into him.

Soundwave takes to the air. "Rumble, Ravage, Buzzsaw: return. Laserbeak: retrieve Frenzy."

Rumble, Ravage, and Buzzsaw transform and enter Soundwave's chest compartment.

Fitor and Wheeljack start to grab Frenzy, but the Autobot and Renegade dodge blaster fire...

...from Small Foot, Dumper, and Night Ranger.

"Back away from the Decepticon," orders Small Foot as she, Dumper, and Night Ranger land with Skywarp.

"Are you serious?" spits Wheeljack.

"Let the Decepticons go," says Night Ranger. "You've done enough damage."

"I see the Guardians are running errands for Megatron," Fitor sneers as he complies, subspacing his blade. "How low my former comrades have sunk."

Laserbeak picks up the injured Frenzy and joins Soundwave in the sky.

Dumper grips Fitor's arm. "That's enough out of you, traitor," he spits.

"Once again: Choufunsha Daizaburo," says Night Ranger, restraining Fitor's other arm. "you're under arrest."

"If remaining true to my own principles makes me a traitor, Ichiya-_kun_," says Fitor quietly, "then so be it."

Night Ranger winces.

Skywarp rolls his optics, smiling ruefully as he watches the two Guardians escort Fitor up to the Guardian shuttle above the jungle. _What is it with super jets and treason?_ he wonders silently.

"Why are you interfering...with our conflict...?" Optimus asks Small Foot as he evades Sludge's attacks.

"You had no business freeing Fitor," says Small Foot.

"Funny: I had the same...thought in mind...regarding that idiot," says Optimus, continuing to evade Sludge as he points his thumb toward Skywarp.

Skywarp eggs Sludge on. "Go get him, Bruiser!" he cheers.

Sludge presses on the attack. "Me am save you piece of him Prime," he says with a smirk. "Maybe."

Optimus sighs. "Small Foot, I'd love..." he says, "to continue...our discussion...but I've got bigger prob-*"

Sludge knocks Optimus out cold.

"Prime!" say Wheeljack and Ratchet in unison, rushing to Optimus.

"Now you die, Optimus Prime," says Sludge. "Now you am pay."

"What is Sludge talking about?" asks Small Foot.

Skywarp studies Sludge's behavior, then grins crudely. "It's a long story, Trucksie," he says, grabbing Small Foot. "Let's talk about it."

"What?" wonders Small Foot as Skywarp teleports her and himself out of the jungle.

The three Autobots alone remain in the jungle, with only two of them able to fend off the sleep-enraged Dinobot. Wheeljack stands between Sludge and a now-inert Optimus, with Ratchet at the Autobot leader's side, repairing his injuries.

"Sludge," says Wheeljack, "it's me! You're not who you _think_ you are!"

Sludge studies Wheeljack a moment. "You Wheeljack am friend..." he says slowly.

"Yeah," says Wheeljack, nodding in relief. "I'm a friend."

Ratchet sighs, still tending to Optimus. "Sludge is still stuck in his rest cycle, Jack," he says calmly.

"But he..." says Wheeljack.

"Wait for it..." continues Ratchet.

"You Wheeljack am friend...once," says Sludge. "Now you am me Hackwrench enemy. Me punish Prime first," he continues, "then kill you and rotten little brother Ratchet."

Ratchet smiles bitterly at the unconscious Optimus. "Kids these days," he says, resuming his work. "They have no respect for their elders."

Wheeljack steps back. "Ratch: how did we escape this scenario when we fought the _actual_ Hackwrench?" he asks.

"The rest of the Dynamite Squad saved our afts," says Ratchet.

"Ah. Since those guys are dead," Wheeljack continues, "and their modern-day analogues don't know where the hell we are, how do we deal with the guy who's _even stronger than his aunt_?"

Ratchet finishes his emergency stasis repairs on Optimus, then stands and walks to Wheeljack. "I've got a plan, Jack," he says.

"Great," says Wheeljack. "Let me have it."

"Not a problem," says Ratchet, knocking Wheeljack out.

Sludge laughs. "Why you Ratchet am do that?" he asks.

Ratchet grins. "Jack needed a nap, Hack," he says to Sludge. "You know how cranky he gets without proper rest cycles."

"Funny. Move," says Sludge. "Maybe me Hackwrench am let you live today."

"I will, Sis," sighs Ratchet. "I just have one problem I can't seem to figure out."

"What?" asks Sludge.

"What's your chronometer reading on the War?" asks Ratchet. "How long have we been fighting it?"

Sludge thinks a moment. "Am just over nine M-cycles..." he says.

"That's what I thought. The problem is," continues Ratchet, "that we both know I killed you 4.6 M-cycles ago. On Cybertron."

Sludge's optics widen in shock. "But..." he says, looking around, "this no am Cybertron."

"Where are we?" asks Ratchet.

"Us am on Earth...wait. No am make sense," says Sludge, shaking his head. "What am Earth?"

"Hackwrench," says Ratchet, "you and I both know that you're already dead. It's the last event in your memory logs."

"But...how am me fighting?" asks Sludge, trembling. The Dinobot winces in realization. "Me _am_ dying..." Sludge's trance-like state ends.

Ratchet embraces Sludge. "I know," he says, frowning. "I know."

A moment later, Sludge wakes from his rest cycle.

Sludge looks down. "Ratchet," he says, trying to gently break free of the medic, "you am hug me Sludge too tight."

Ratchet's optics widen a moment, his expression a mixture of relief, grief, and guilt. "Just...bear with...dumb ol' Ratchet a moment," he says, shaking. "I've...missed you. That's all..."

"Okay," says Sludge, patting Ratchet's shoulder.

_**Scene:**_ 21

"...and now you guys understand how your personality grafts, OSes, and body structures work together," says Wheeljack.

"Yes," says Grimlock. "Dinobots understand."

"Now us know how Autobots am survive war for so long," adds Slag.

"That am not good analogy," counters Swoop. "One of Dynamite Squad defected."

"One-to-five ratio better than three-to-five," grins Snarl.

"Good leaders am consider all options," says Grimlock.

"And it's best you all learn early that Megatron's an option to reject," adds Ratchet.

Wheeljack plays a recording.

"Dinobots: I admit that we've had a rocky start," says Optimus' recorded voice. "_All_ Autobots butt heads from time to time over how to get the job done-without exception. Everyone appreciates the work you do as a unit."

Grimlock strokes his chin.

"Each of you is a formidable warrior on his own," continues Optimus' recording. "United, your potential is incalculable. My only hope," concludes Optimus as the recording ends, "is that some of you don't let it go to your heads."

The other Dinobots look at Grimlock.

"Me Grimlock no like what you Dinobots am insinuating," says Grimlock.

"If you am quit eating dictionaries," says Slag, grinning, "then us am more sure."

"Sludge," says Grimlock, nudging Sludge. "Why you no am back me Grimlock up?"

Sludge sighs. "Me am have nothing to say," he says tonelessly.

"Slag's just tweaking you, Grimlock," says Wheeljack. "Why don't we go outside," he continues, "so we can set up that obstacle course you all wanted?"

"You Wheeljack really just want to use other tools Dinobots bring," scoffs Swoop.

"I'm...surprised and happy that you guys brought all of my tools," says Wheeljack.

"Dinobots no am want to go back to Cybertron again," says Slag.

"Autobots no want another Guardian sleepover," adds Snarl, smirking.

"Took the words right out of my voice processor, Snarl," says Wheeljack. "Let's go, boys." Wheeljack leaves with Grimlock, Slag, Swoop, and Snarl.

Sludge stares after the group, but does not budge from his spot.

"Sludge," asks Ratchet, "why won't you go with them?"

"Because me," says Sludge, "am too stupid."

"What?" says Ratchet. "Is it that you were dealing with someone else's psychological trauma, and you were so desperate to make it all go away that you knowingly brought an enemy operative into our base?" he adds with understanding.

Sludge nods.

"That ain't stupid, Sludge," says Ratchet. "That's...pretty damn normal with this sorry outfit-me included."

"You no am have choice," says Sludge. "Not about her."

"I had plenty of options for Hackwrench," counters Ratchet. "It's just that all of them were bad."

"So you am pick one that am least bad?" asks Sludge.

"Least bad...for the Autobots," says Ratchet.

"You Ratchet am Autobot," says Sludge.

"And so are you, Grimlock, Slag, and those other two characters you call brothers," grins Ratchet.

"Me know," says Sludge. "Us am Dinobots."

"So get off your aft and help the other Dinobots with that obstacle course," says Ratchet. "I've got work to do."

"Okay!" says Sludge. "Have a great day!" he adds, mimicking Mr. Clown. Sludge leaves med bay.

Ratchet chuckles, then picks up his tools to fix the doors to med bay...again.

END ISSUE 21-B

_**Scene:**_ Post-Script 01

Optimus starts to walk past Smokescreen's office, but notes Smokescreen outside. "Smokescreen," he asks, "what's the overall mood of this outfit?"

"A cocktail of relief, regret, anger, sadness...and a bit of distrust," says Smokescreen.

"Understandable," sighs Optimus. "How are the upgrades holding up?" he asks.

"Fine," says Smokescreen. "On a related note, we've managed to secure all available sources of Cybertonium without raising any red flags to the Decepticons."

"Good," says Optimus. "This ought to give us an edge when Wheeljack's finished with the depletion ray."

Smokescreen nods.

"Have there been any objections to this plan?" Optimus asks.

"From the usual suspects," says Smokescreen. "They object on ethical grounds."

"Explain," says Optimus.

"We'd be no better than the ones who manufactured our ancestors-maybe even worse, since we know better," says Smokescreen.

"This admittedly-dirty tactic is designed to bring the Decepticons to the peace table and get them to end our pointless war," counters Optimus.

"Unfortunately," says Smokescreen, "those same objectors pointed out that some Autobots may be reluctant to release that kind of control over the Decepticons if the war ends on our terms-even if the Decepticons act in good faith."

"That is what happened in the immediate aftermath of the Second War's end," says Optimus. "Perhaps if we obtain the cooperation of a few key individuals within the Decepticons."

"A possibility," says Smokescreen. "Except that Starscream can't be trusted."

"It's no secret that many of the Decepticons tire of Megatron besides Starscream; some of them want to end the war altogether," continues Optimus, "and restrict Cybertron's 'empire' to the planets _content_ with Decepticon rule."

"Even the energy from those planets would revitalize Cybertron," says Smokescreen.

Optimus glares at Smokescreen. "Why won't you judge me?" he asks. "I'm considering allowing Cybertron to keep Megatron's ill-gotten gains."

"It's not my place to judge you, sir," says Smokescreen. "You're doing your job as Autobot commander: weighing all of our options. Anything less is a dereliction of duty."

"I judge myself, then," says Optimus. "If I don't have someone to tell me 'no: you've gone too far'," he continues, "I may cause the Autobots to plunge off a moral cliff."

"If we, the 'robots who think for themselves', are so easily-misled," says Smokescreen, "then perhaps we never stood on moral ground."

"You've given me much to consider," says Optimus. He starts to leave for his office.

"Optimus, I just remembered," says Smokescreen, snapping his fingers. "You're actually due for a session with me today. Please step into my office."

"I'll return here on the way to my quarters," says Optimus.

Smokescreen grabs Optimus' arm. "Please step into my office," he says again. "_Now_."

"Any particular reason for your insistence?" asks Optimus as he frees his arm and enters Smokescreen's office.

Smokescreen enters after Optimus, closing the door behind him. "It's time for an _internals check_," he says.

_**Scene:**_ Post-Script 02

At their new obstacle course outside Autobot Headquarters, the Dinobots finish their latest run.

"Time am better," says Snarl.

"Am only have two casualties this time," adds Sludge, noting neon green paint on his body. "Still no good."

"You Slag and you Swoop: practice again. Coordinate tactics together," orders Grimlock.

Slag rolls his optics. "Obstacle course am supposed to be fun practice!" he scoffs as he complies.

"Am fun for me Swoop," says Swoop as he joins Slag.

Sludge studies Grimlock. "What am you Grimlock thinking?"

"Him Brawn words," says Grimlock.

_Inside the Ark, Grimlock watched video of Gearshift._

_Brawn, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, and Slingshot walked up on the lead Dinobot._

_Grimlock paused the video. "What am you Autobots doing?" he asked._

_"We're watching the video with you," said Brawn. "That ain't a problem, is it?"_

_"No..." said Grimlock, resuming the video. "It no am problem."_

_"I remember that!" grinned Sideswipe, pointing at himself, Sunstreaker, and a blue mech that resembled the twins._

_"Yeah," said Sunstreaker. "The Twin Triple Threat Takedown!"_

_"That was our first bit of Jet Judo," added Sunstreaker, "along with our papa-handsome, dapper, and larger than fraggin' life." He pointed to the blue mech, who grinned at the camera. "Pocket's even got Countach's cheesy grin," Sunstreaker continued, "but Pocket wants to deny his lineage."_

_"To be fair to Pocket, Papa Streaky," quipped Slingshot, "no kid would want to claim you as a father."_

_Sunstreaker shoves Slingshot. "Why don't you go frag around with Silverbolt again?" he scoffed._

_"So the two of us have to clean up after you beasts of burden?" shuddered Slingshot, remembering his and Silverbolt's punishment detail. "Mirage is a sick fragger-making us clean your damn Augean Stables."_

_"If you need to handle business in your berth," said Brawn, "then make sure your security detail is covered first."_

_Sunstreaker and Sideswipe laughed while Slingshot fumed._

_Silverbolt walked past the group. _"You're worth Tartarus, Slingshot,"_ he said over the LAN, _"let alone whatever punishment these _slaargs_ can throw at us."_ He licked his lip components as he left the room._

_Slingshot blushed, touching his own lip components. "I'm going out to run some sorties," he said, pointing at a royal blue and white Class Five. "I ain't letting that wingmate-stabbing kludgehead show me up." Slingshot left the Ark._

_Brawn tensed his fist, but stopped himself from responding to Slingshot's insult._

_"We'll set him straight," said Sideswipe. "That 'kludgehead' told us to watch over him, after all." Winking at a surprised Brawn, Sideswipe left the Ark with Sunstreaker._

_"What am him talking about?" asked Grimlock._

_"...nothin'," said Brawn. He and Grimlock watched as Hackwrench and Slade took out four Decepticon jetwarriors._

_"Hm. Not bad," said Grimlock. "Dinobots am do better, though."_

_Brawn snorted. "I doubt that, lizard boy," he scoffed._

_Grimlock grunted._

_"Don't get me wrong-you guys are good. In the brute strength department," Brawn continued, "you Dinobots have the Dynamite Squad beat."_

_"But...?" asked Grimlock._

_"You won't like this," said Brawn, shrugging, "but since you asked: those guys were the best strike team we ever had."_

_Grimlock stood. "Me Grimlock ask," he said, "and you Brawn give honest answer. This am good. Me no am angry." Grimlock left the Ark._

"Time!" says Sludge, sighing as Swoop crosses the finish line a tenth of a second late, covered in splotches of green paint.

"Again!" Grimlock orders. "Me Grimlock say that Dinobots will learn to be more versatile."

"Do more than stomp?" asks Sludge.

"Yes. You Sludge go practice too," says Grimlock. "Me time now, and join Dinobots when you finish."

Sludge nods, then obeys.

Grimlock starts the timer when the other four Dinobots race into the gauntlet. _Me Grimlock accept challenge from Dynamite Squad. Me am determined that Dinobots will surpass Dynamite Squad,_ he continues silently, _and by doing so, will finish what them start._

Grimlock notes a well-executed maneuver between Sludge and Swoop. _Good,_ he says to himself. _Her Hackwrench and others of Dynamite Squad can finally rest._

Grimlock draws his sword out of subspace. _Me Grimlock and other Dinobots will continue cleaning Autobot messes,_ he declares in his mind, _and drag Autobots kicking and screaming to victory._


End file.
